Ranking Main Heisei Kamen Rider Henshin Belts: 19-11

Starting off my first blog post, Kamen Rider. My favourite of all the large variety tokusatsu has to offer and while we've had some god awful things out of it, its still some of the best j-drama on television, or in the case of us people in the West, the best j-drama downloaded from Over-time subs. (NOT TV-Nihon ewww).
I'm starting off with the Heisei Rider belts because the Showa belts are kinda...all the same... While I do like some of the belts in Showa series' (eg. Black), at the end of the day, they're all just metal pods encasing a spinning doo-hicky. For this list, i'll be using two ratings of 5 for a total of 10. 5 of which will go to fashion and the other 5 will go towards function. I'm also only doing the main riders because my passion for Kamen Rider will only take me so far and it sure as hell isn't giving me the strength to do EVERY SINGLE BELT. So without further ado, lets HENSHIN!
(Note: I review and rank these with the mindset of both the toys and what they do in the shows)

Number 19: Ex-Aid's Famicom

Gamer Driver

Ex-Aid is what brought me back into Kamen Rider. I dropped out of it when Wizard came out but came back when i heard of this "Gaming" themed rider, and boy was i hooked! Unfortunately, this is one of the ugliest things i've seen in Kamen Rider and gosh are there ugly things in Kamen Rider so that's saying something! When you think of a belt, you think of a nice uniform look right above your junk and you'd be able to scream out HENSHIN! and not get embarrassed. This thing is like "NOPE! You're an adult watching a japanese show for kids." It doesn't even do anything, the gashats do everything.
Fashion: 0/5
Function: 1/5

Number 18: Ghost's Third Eye

Ghost Driver

Jeez, two ugly ass drivers in a row! This thing is basically just as ugly as the gamer driver. However if you do take off that ugly ectoplasm faceplate, it reveals a decent little face, so that's cool i guess. Otherwise ugly as hell with a ridiculously huge lever with a horrible orange colour. This is also a belt that DOES NOT SHUT UP ruining intense scenes in the show. The sounds it does make are pretty cool though with its huge library of eyecons to choose from. Ready Go Kakugo GO GO GO GHOST!
Fashion: 1/5
Function: 3/5
Number 17: Hibiki's Dinner Utensil

Onkaku

Hibiki's Onkaku isn't even a belt. Sure he has one but even then all he does is just smack himself with his two little drumsticks like a child discovering he has baby fat and won't stop tapping his stomach making those slapping noises. (I'm a pro at analogies). Well let's start off with fashion, and i'll tell you what, this thing actually looks really good! I love the musical instrument motif Hibiki had and it translates nicely here. The little demon face is pretty clean as well. But at the end of the day, it's not a belt. The problem basically lays with the function. All it does is smack against your finger and makes a bloody high pitch sound, then what? You put it to your forehead and NANI THE FUCK!? A little oni sprouts from your face! Why wouldn't i just go buy a regular tuning fork? Oh yeah, i'm held in permanent shackles by Toei to love Kamen Rider forever...

Fashion: 4/5

Function: 1/5

 Number 16: Ryuki's Yugioh Deck Holder

V-Buckle

Ryuki's V-Buckle is a pretty mediocre and just plain boring device. The main reason for that is because it wasn't the main gimmick of the series, the visors were. So maybe it can be forgiven for that but still this is a review for the belt and the belt alone. In the show, the buckles were laughably photoshopped onto the riders' when they checked themselves out in mirrors. Their advent decks were then slid in and boom a little mirror noise and buzzing from the belt. The belt actually looks alright. I like the mechanical feel and i love the logos on the advent decks themselves. However it is just too simple looking with little flare to the design and every rider has this belt! Once again this falls flat due to the abysmal function. It makes TWO barely noticeable noises. One when you insert the decks (AND THE NOISE DOESNT CHANGE DEPENDING ON THE DECK!) and the other when the riders draw cards from the deck. 

Fashion: 3/5

Function: 2/5 

(btw some of the scores add up to the same totals, so the placement of the belts is due to me liking them just a smidge more)

Number 15: Blade's Gambling Addiction

Blay Buckle

Blade's Blay Buckle (try saying that fast) is pretty awesome. It's got an awesome feature where it flips the logo around using space age technology in the belt. And a neat voice saying, "TURN UP!". What i don't like is that, once again THAT IS IT! That's all it does. And in the show he puts in the card to transform but then the card makes no sounds when inserted so what was even the point of the card? The only saving grace is that satisfying flipping.

Fashion: 4/5

Function 1/5

Number 14: Switching Fourze On!

Fourze Driver

This driver is a bulky mess that makes really awesome sounds. Firstly though, this driver looks way too cluttered with this unappealing translucent blue colour and this huge lever on the side. Fortunately this one matches the colour scheme unlike Ghost's. The switches are make fantastic noises when placed in the driver. And this driver has an epic transformation sequence. The red switches are flipped, each making a progressively higher pitched noise and when they're all flipped. The voice of god tells you, "3,2,1!" in which any man of any age would just yell out HENSHIN! and pose like Gentaro. The switches are accompanied by a robot voice when flipped giving fourze power ups. Best one being magic hand. (Unofficial 100/10 just because of magic hand).
Fashion: 1/5
Function: 4/5

Number 13: Build's Splicer

Build Driver

Build's mixing of organic and non-organic objects is a great idea and implemented well into this driver. The driver also doesn't look bad but it still has potential. The lever is an annoyance but the gears turning and the bottles liquids moving when the lever is cranked is an excellent touch. The problem with this driver is just that it doesn't do all that much. Lets compare this to W. The W driver lets you mix and match sounds while this only makes sounds for Best Matches and gives you generic sounds for anything else. I also wouldn't count the Voltech finishes for too much because i HATE explosion sounds in these. They are just so boring and feel cheap. I want my drivers TO SING! In the show i do like how they build tubes around Sento and plaster the suit onto him.
Fashion: 3/5
Function: 3/5

(At this point, the belts aren't really bad anymore, there are just ones that are better than these ones)

Number 12: Gaim's Orange Juicer

Sengoku Driver

Gaim has one of the most imaginative drivers in the entire series. IT'S A BLADE CUTTING OPEN FRUIT LOCKS THAT GRANT THE POWER OF WARRIOR ARMOUR TO THE USER! The design does throw me off though with that huge knife just stuck on the driver. The lockseeds locking onto the driver is a great feature and my god the sounds. This driver makes such beautiful noises (tears dropping gracefully onto my keyboard as i reminisce). When the riders transform, they have just some of the best standby noises ever and then when they cut open the locks an announcer rocks the room as he bestows upon you his majestic voice.
Fashion: 3/5
Function: 4/5

Number 11: Kuuga Arcle? Da fuq is an arcle?

Arcle

Geez the CGI when Kuuga transforms is bad. The arcle is pretty standard as belts go. When you think of the most Kamen Rider a Kamen Rider can get, this is the Kamen Rider you think of. I don't have much to say on this one. It's symmetrical, and Yusuke pushes buttons to change forms. That's about it. Nothing special but nothing bad.
Fashion: 4/5
Function: 3/5